Even though the homestudy for the Nugget's adoption was fine and dandy, I am more than a little nervous about it this go 'round. We are using a different agency for it, I feel very unsure about the social worker's feelings about us, and our "new" home isn't perfect by any means. We love it, but we have a lot of work still to do on it. It's definitely livable, comfortable, and we are constantly childproofing, but as our homestudy approaches, doubts are creeping into my mind: Should I have had the gutters repaired? Can I figure out how to anchor that sink to the wall by tomorrow? Will the social worker want us to have a crib already set up for the new baby? I have a ton of water spots on my clean glasses, because I haven't figured out the water softener yet. What if she's looking for the fancy twisty outlet covers and I only have the basic plugs? There's an IKEA chest in our office with a broken drawer.
The scariest part of adoption for me is the loss of control. Letting social workers decide the fate and future of your family. Opening up every aspect of your life so that others may pass judgment on it and on you. I should say though, that it's only truly losing the illusion of control, because I don't think anyone really has control over their lives. So like many other aspects of adoption, it is a such a blessing in disguise. When the social worker takes the wheel out of my hands on Thursday, I have to tell myself that I'm not turning our lives over to her, but that I'm letting God choose our next adventure, and really, shouldn't I be doing that all the time?