Monday, January 5, 2009

Lil Sib Update

As many of you know, we are working on the adoption process for our second (and likely final) child.  I have gotten a lot of questions about our progress and thought the blog would be the obvious place to post a quick update.  

What's going on?
We're using the same adoption agency for Lil Sib, but because we no longer live in WA, we also have to use a local agency for the homestudy.  We are going to all this trouble because we absolutely loved our agency AND it's less work to reinvent the wheel when adopting a second time.

What does the homestudy entail?
The homestudy includes a 2 inch packet of paperwork (done), doctor's reports (Hubby's is done, mine is scheduled), 2 office interviews (1 done, 1 to go), and 1 in-home interview (waiting for agency to schedule this).

What happens next?
When the local agency approves (knock on wood) us, they will let our primary agency know.  Primary agency is ready to put us in the waiting pool.  As you might remember, we will then wait anywhere from 24 hours to 3+ years for an expecting family to select us.  We may have as much as 3 months to get to know them and prepare for Lil Sib OR Lil Sib may already be born by the time we get the call and we'll go directly to pick them up.  Lil Sib will most likely be born in WA or OR, although there's a slim chance he or she could be born elsewhere since primary agency gets occasional referrals from other agencies and attorneys.

Did we specify a boy or girl?
Nope!  Originally my thoughts were that we'd love to have a boy and a girl, but now that the Nugget is here, I feel like he was meant to be our son.  I trust God/the universe/karma to choose for us again this time around.

Some thoughts on the process:
- While I don't love the uncertainty of not knowing the when and where our baby will be born, I do love that open adoption allows our children's birthfamilies to choose us, and to me, that's worth the uncertainty.  
- It's very frustrating and upsetting that while I have to jump through a zillion hoops and expose every part of my life to the scrutiny of others who will judge whether I am worthy to be a mommy, there are many bio parents who are neglectful or abusive and they didn't have to prove anything to anyone to have their kids.
- On the flip side of that coin, I realize that these hoops are also a blessing, because they forced us to consider all aspects of parenting before the Nugget arrived.  The hoops have made me a better mommy, a more thankful mommy.  
- I consider our time in the waiting pool to be a pregnancy of sorts.  I'm not sure it's a fair comparison, because it's morning sickness and edema-free.  However, imagine a pregnancy where you don't know when that baby's going to pop out!  Pretty exciting, huh?!  But the adoption wait is just as full of mood swings, weight gain, worry, excitement, and joy.  My pet peeve is when people (sometimes loved ones, sometimes strangers) rain on the adoption wait parade.  I've lived through a disruption, I know all about the unexpected and broken hearts.  But in my book, warning a waiting parent not to get excited and buy baby clothes because the adoption may fall through feels an awful lot like telling a pregnant woman not to paint the nursery in case the baby dies during labor.  Are both scenarios possible?  Yup.  But in the words of Thumper, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nuthin' at all!"  (I realize there's a double negative in there but you get the gist.)  Remember, we expecting mamas are moody - compliment us on our glow, fetch us some chocolate, and tell us our babies will be healthy and perfect!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy for you guys that you are this much closer to getting another little baby. I really loved the comparison between pregnancy and the adoption waiting. I can so see it as that!

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