I feel such a strong desire to give the Nugget siblings. I would cross a mountain or fast for a month if it would bring another child into this family. My siblings mean so much to me, it's hard for me to imagine what the Nugget's childhood, nay, his entire life would be like as an only. Sometimes he asks me if he can have a baby sister, and it makes my heart crack a little. I fear very much that I will become the stereotypical "only" mother, who is too hawk-like and rigid and that he will become the stereotypical "only child" who is overindulged and self-obsessed.
We are, however, coming to terms with the fact that the making and building of our family is entirely out of our hands. We have done all we can, and there may come a point when we will have to cry, "Uncle."
We realize that we are incredibly blessed to have the Nugget in our lives, that God and his Tummy Mummy and Poppy gave us the gift of parenthood. I certainly do not believe that we are "entitled" to any more children - children are not earned or deserved, they are gifts. The Nugget is fun, loving, challenging, intelligent, entirely his own person. We love him, and he is very much "enough".
I have many friends who were only children, and despite reports of childhood loneliness and stress in caring for aging parents on their own, I also realize that they are achievers. They are perceptive. They are wise. I realize that just giving children the opportunity to be siblings does not mean that they'll be best friends. I realize that if we aren't able to adopt again, we would be able to put that time, effort, and money we would have put into our second child into the Nugget, so he'd get to experience more, have more, do more. I realize that we do not live in an isolated area, and so far, the Nugget has had no shortage of playdates and social experiences.
I long to look around our dining room table and feel that our family is complete. Will that peace arrive with another child? Or just a change of heart?