Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Enough and Only

While we currently have no intention of giving up on our dream of Lil Sib, we have been discussing and contemplating what might we do if we have another disruption. Or if we wait x number of years without being chosen.

I feel such a strong desire to give the Nugget siblings. I would cross a mountain or fast for a month if it would bring another child into this family. My siblings mean so much to me, it's hard for me to imagine what the Nugget's childhood, nay, his entire life would be like as an only. Sometimes he asks me if he can have a baby sister, and it makes my heart crack a little. I fear very much that I will become the stereotypical "only" mother, who is too hawk-like and rigid and that he will become the stereotypical "only child" who is overindulged and self-obsessed.

We are, however, coming to terms with the fact that the making and building of our family is entirely out of our hands. We have done all we can, and there may come a point when we will have to cry, "Uncle."

We realize that we are incredibly blessed to have the Nugget in our lives, that God and his Tummy Mummy and Poppy gave us the gift of parenthood. I certainly do not believe that we are "entitled" to any more children - children are not earned or deserved, they are gifts. The Nugget is fun, loving, challenging, intelligent, entirely his own person. We love him, and he is very much "enough".

I have many friends who were only children, and despite reports of childhood loneliness and stress in caring for aging parents on their own, I also realize that they are achievers. They are perceptive. They are wise. I realize that just giving children the opportunity to be siblings does not mean that they'll be best friends. I realize that if we aren't able to adopt again, we would be able to put that time, effort, and money we would have put into our second child into the Nugget, so he'd get to experience more, have more, do more. I realize that we do not live in an isolated area, and so far, the Nugget has had no shortage of playdates and social experiences.

I long to look around our dining room table and feel that our family is complete. Will that peace arrive with another child? Or just a change of heart?

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand and relate to every word in this post. you are so right. i hope it helps knowing that you're not alone in your frustrations, or concerns, and that I'm praying for you all, that the answers will come to you soon. Not everyone understands everything that goes along with adoption, building a family the non-traditional way - but my husband and i understand that there's SO much more to it than most people will ever know. It's truly a matter of the heart, and it's a beautiful thing, adoption; but it can be a very difficult time as well. We know all too well about the difficulties, but as you know, we feel so blessed also! I'm sure you get tired of hearing people say this, but I truly believe your day will come and Nugget will have a sibling. "Faith" is something that is constantly being tested, but as hard as it is, keep the faith :) It's the only thing that gets me through. Have faith that what is meant to be will be, and just hang in there :) But you have such a sensible and healthy outlook on the whole situation already, and that is probably what keeps you sane!! LOL Talk to you later :)