Under new management

Hello, Nugget here. I, your adorable despot, am planning to overthrow the parental units. Here is my list of new laws, effective immediately. More to follow, but right now I am working on an army of sand octopi (pictured) to help me with the coup.

1. Parents must not kiss, hug, touch, or look at each other.

2. I get full control over radio stations in the car. In anyone's car. So, driver of red truck next to us, if I say, "I don't like your music," you must change the station, stat.

3. I will receive a master pass to ride all buses, trains, airplanes, and tractors. I will also receive a license to operate all construction machinery.

4. My diet will consist mainly of caramel sauce.

5. Adult conversations will be banned from polite society. Every topic of conversation must pass my approval.

6. I will receive my own (working! real!) cell phone and laptop. I also reserve the right to snatch yours.

7. I will receive a sibling who will be entirely programmable. He/she will carry out my bidding, laugh at all my jokes, and not be at all interested in my toys.

8. I will be permitted to cram play-doh into any crevice of the house I see fit to receive it.

9. I will require my own pony to give me rides in the house. In lieu of pony, I may ride Daddy on demand.

10. Thou shalt not touch my hair or ears. I mean it!