Lil' Sib Pending

I've been trying my best to wait until the right time to release this post! We have been chosen to be parents to a little boy, due in November. The exact due date is up in the air due to various medical reasons, which I won't get into at this time. We are very excited, nervous, scared, thrilled, overjoyed, and optimistic!

Yes, if the adoption disrupts, it's going to be painful and stinky to make the blog announcement, but having experienced 2 disruptions - it's painful and stinky anyway. It doesn't really matter if you've let yourself believe it's going to happen or guarded your heart, if you've shouted it to the world or kept it to yourself - disruptions are just awful. So we are choosing to be joyful now, and are trying to prepare with joy instead of fear (of course, the fear does get to me every once in awhile, but I'm learning to push it aside). Every child deserves a gleeful anticipation, don't you think?!

I won't be sharing many details about the baby's story on this blog (and if you know details, please keep them out of the comments), but I did want to share with the blogosphere what it feels like to be parents pending an adoption.

Here are some of the feelings whirling around, in no particular order. Sometimes there is one overarching emotion, but they can change by the hour:

Anxious - while I mainly feel optimistic, my breath still catches in my throat when I think about the "ifs". I imagine bio moms feel this way too. The difference is that people constantly ask us about how/when this could go wrong, and of course we know from experience, so let's just say I am not exactly the picture of calm.

Happy - like any parents-to-be (again!), we are excited to meet him, to witness him grow, to find out what he's like as an individual, to discover his talents and passions.

Thankful - it's an overwhelming sense of gratitude when a birthmom feels that you are the right family for her child. I can't even describe it, and it's my goal as a mom to maintain this feeling of gratitude during the everyday struggles of parenting. The Nugget has been longing for a sibling too, in his own way, and I feel like it's the perfect time for him to transition from "only" to "oldest".

Out of control - everything is very out of our hands at this point. We are working with a different adoption agency, and we have completed all the steps we can, so we wait. Birthmoms call the shots after you're chosen, from doctor's appointments to setting times to meet, etc. Our roles reverse after placement, and while it's a strange and hard place to inhabit, it also gives us a better sense of how birthparents must feel after they entrust their child to you. We are trusting her to carry and care for this baby, and she is trusting us with the rest of the child's life. It's so humbling.

Curious - what will it be like with 2 boys in the house (3 if you count Hubby!)? Will I be able to keep up with the constant meal prep and laundry?! Will the Nugget completely lose his marbles for a couple months while he adjusts to a shared spotlight? Will I be able to meet the demands of 2 little boys when Hubby is away on business trips?! Sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to be nervous about the transition to two, because we are wanting it, asking for it, claiming that we are fit to handle it! But of course, we are just humans and we have the same questions about growing our family as anyone else would :)

Nesting - This instinct does in fact, apply to adoptive parents, if you were wondering. It's taking a slightly different form this time around - not scrubbing every surface since that's painfully pointless with a 3yo - but definitely shopping for warm baby clothes, dusting off and reassembling the baby gear, and making our guest room ready for the nursery conversion.

Present - I am treasuring my final month of uninterrupted sleep and hoping it will be enough to tide me over until Lil Sib learns how to sleep through the night. I'm savoring every second of adult time with Hubby after Nugget goes to bed. I'm cooking dinner from scratch while I can. I'm trying to absorb what it feels like to be mommy to one, because I don't want to forget this little window of time we've had together, "just us".

Please keep us and baby's birthfamily in your thoughts and prayers.