Eyes on your own paper

We've made it past the 2 month mark of our latest disruption. We are practically to the 2 year mark of when we entered the pool for this child. An elephant's gestation period.

The bitterness comes quickly and easily when I allow myself to sneak a peek at others' lives. Lives that seem easy and effortless to me, where children come not only when wanted but whose arrivals can actually be planned down to the month or date. Where pregnancy is a time when they are surrounded by joy and excitement, and a healthy baby on a deadline seems a given. When I compare myself to others, I find myself asking, "Why?" and wondering if our repeated losses are some sort of punishment.

When I remind myself to "keep my eyes on my own paper", my outlook brightens. Though building our family is harder than I ever could have imagined, we are blessed in so many ways. I am chiseling away at the roadblocks between us and the child who will complete our family. I am opening every gate possible. When I focus my energy on doing what I can to bring our child home and filling up our Nugget with love, I feel like I can take this.