Friday, April 15, 2011

Connection

A few folks have been asking me about it, and we are still working towards the foster care license.  Mainly, we are waiting for my final make-up class on the 30th, then we'll be able to move forward.

I have been meaning to write this post for awhile, but I'm having a hard time finding the right words.  I need to share this blog with you, because it's really changed my outlook on life.  Foster parenting scares the crap out of me.  I have fallen in love with 3 unborn babies, and each was wrenched out of my life but not my heart.  I didn't even get to meet any of them, and my heart aches for them each day.  What then, will I feel when/if a child is actually in my home, for me to love and parent the way I give myself to the Nugget...and then that bond is broken by powers out of my control?  I've been mulling over whether or not I'm strong enough for that, whether it's fair to ask the Nugget to bond with a sibling who may not be with us forever.

But when reading Kelle's words about how the unexpected and the scary has brought joy into her world, how she rose up to meet what was required of her and her family, and how they suck the marrow out of each day, something clicked for me.

Nothing in this life is guaranteed.  None of us know our expiration dates for this world.  Yet, we love and we risk anyway, because connection with others is what this life's all about.  Loss is unavoidable, and when we hide and try to protect our hearts from potential loss, we miss out on the beauty of life.  I know I can, we can, give this baby all the love in our hearts for however long we're blessed with him or her.  And we'll be heart-wrenchingly sad if/when our connection is cut or changed, but it will be worth it.  The way our marriage is worth it.  The way having a dog is worth it.  The way finding a trusted regular sitter is worth it.  The way friendship is worth it.  The way having kids is worth it.  Because our hearts are made to grow and stretch and break and heal....and grow some more.

I wanted to share this poem, because while it's meant to be about all children, I feel it has a special meaning for foster, adoptive, and birth parents.


On Children
 Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

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