Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Rabid Badger

The Nugget has an alter ego I like to call The Rabid Badger.  The Rabid Badger surfaces during a hair cut, toenail trimming, eye drops, and any sort of first aid situation.  Basically any extreme hygiene measures, and you are risking TRB making an appearance.  The Rabid Badger is 46 pounds of solid muscle with a fighting spirit driven by equal parts rage and fear.  While the Nugget has decent logic and reasoning skills for a 4yo boy, TRB has only the instinct to survive.  You are not allowed to call animal control to assist you with TRB.  Hubby is basically no help at all once the transformation to TRB is complete; if anything happens to me, the Nugget will probably grow toenail claws and will walk around with permanent pinkeye.

You can identify the transition from giggly charming Nugget to Rabid Badger by the escalated crying/screeching.  Then the limbs all start flailing wildly, and you WILL get nailed in the eyeball or throat.  You can't really blame TRB though, because it does not have control of its faculties.  TRB also releases copious amounts of snot and tears which will wind up on your shirt and your hair and serves to make TRB extra slippery.  You can't let TRB win, because that will only increase its strength, so the only option is to wrassle it, whisper sweet nothings to it, bribe it, and try to complete the hygiene measures as swiftly as possible, while dodging its ninja kicks to your head.

Once the hygiene is completed, The Rabid Badger quickly reverts to Nugget form, kind of like Bruce Banner coming down off Hulk rage.  Loopy giggles and a hug ensue, then the Nugget will ask, "Why are you so tired?  I'm all done!  I was so brave!"  The Nugget will be suddenly energized and bouncing off the walls in relief that the hygiene did not actually kill him, and you will feel like you've been run over by a tractor trailer.

I say this because before parenthood, I thought skinned knees were just a part of childhood, easily cured by a kiss and a cool band aid.  The Nugget is the one child on earth who fears band aids.  I fought TRB 3 times yesterday when the Nugget fell 3 times and kept skinning the same knee.  And right now, I am copping out and searching for youth-sized knee pads to keep TRB at bay.

1 comment:

  1. I laugh, not at you, but at me, because it seems we have TRB's first cousin, The Rabid Squirrel. Ours makes daily appearances, usually first in the morning after a smiling giggling toddler wakes up, gives kisses and hugs. Then, when it's time to diaper and dress, TRS starts trying to climb anything possible in order to get away. I wasn't aware that squirrels grew into badgers....but now I know what to look forward to!