Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Tears, Tantrums, Twos

Spork here.  Are all parents of 2 year olds completely unreasonable?  I have had it up to here with their arbitrary rules.  Here is a list of my daily grievances.  Every day is like this for me, can you believe these people?!

7:50am Mama won't let me play with the buttons on the modem.
7:58am Mama won't let me stick my fingers into the holes on a power strip.
8:15am I say I'm all done with breakfast, and Mama takes like, 30 whole seconds to get me out of my highchair.  Unacceptable.
9:30am Mama replies to a text message and won't hand over the phone.  I am so angry my head might explode.
10am  Still angry.  My sister tries to placate me with a toy cell phone.  Imposter!  I smack her in the head with it.
10:01am Why am I in time out?  I demand a real cell phone!
10:48am My sister is seriously up in my personal space.  She is trying to use the sink in the play kitchen while I use the stove, and I think she's eyeing my wooden carrot.  Clearly, this cannot stand.  I am seized with a sudden urge to fling her into the wall.  What?  I'm not allowed to do that either?
11:57am  3 minutes to naptime, and I better have a binky coming my way...better start screaming at the door to the stairs just in case she forgets.
3:45pm I like to climb into my car seat by myself nowadays.  After picking up the Nugget from school, I am enjoying a leisurely game of "eat all the crumbs off the car floor" and really, I was about to get in my seat when Mama hoists me in there all undignified.  The outrage!  The humanity!
4:10pm The Nugget glared at me!
4:11pm The Nugget said I couldn't play with his paper airplane.  Time to turn on the waterworks.
4:31pm It's time for the Nugget to watch his video, so that means it's time for me to find the loudest toy in the house, which happens to be the popper.  Now he's yelling, now he's grabbing it, now I'm screaming, now I'm hitting him with the popper...brotherly bonding time, right?
4:48pm  Sissy is hugging me.  I hate it when she does that.  Action plan: whine and hit her until she lets go or until Mama rescues me.
4:55pm For some reason, Mama has not put dinner on the table yet.  5 minutes til starvation.  I can hear myself becoming emaciated.  Best solution is of course to find her in the kitchen and attempt to pull her pants down while yowling loudly.
5:05pm When called to the table for dinner, I am suddenly no longer hungry and seized with the urge to do the opposite of whatever anyone else is doing.  I am much too busy with this important toy to eat now.
5:10pm The Nugget and Tater are eating happily, but why am I not eating?!  This is an outrage!
5:58pm Daddy is having seconds, and I want seconds too.....

Good thing I'm insanely cute.

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